[好文] 挫敗一次，開心一次 Every Failure Makes Me Happier

這一兩週，因為辦理父親的後事，必須搭高鐵往返兩地。同時，也因為常常給父親唸經的緣故，思索了許多人生中經常面臨的問題，以及適當的處理解決方式。

前兩天，我在臉書及 Google+ 上分享了一篇名為 <快樂的 15 個習慣>，其中一個習慣便是「反省自己、要求自己（責任總是在我）」，與這篇的內容相互呼應。當時有網友質疑這種把過錯往自己身上推的「習慣」很奇怪：這樣的習慣，聽起來很弔詭，怎麼可能事事怪罪自己會帶來快樂呢？然而，我自己非常認同這種「反求諸己」的個性，也覺得這麼多年以來，時時提醒「反求諸己」讓我受益匪淺。因為既然會失敗，那一定是自己哪裡做的不夠好，如果能夠藉由一個挫敗認清自己不足的事實，然後改進，讓自己更好，這樣哪有理由不開心呢？

今天回台北時，趁等車的空檔，讀了一些文章，其中這一篇 Every Failure Makes Me Happier <挫敗一次，開心一次> 深得我心，覺得他把這種聽起來弔詭但卻真實的心理影響解釋的很清楚，這裡讓我把全文翻譯出來（如有翻譯錯誤也懇請指正），如果對什麼有緣人有幫助，也算是功德一件。我想把這個功德，迴嚮給我的在西方極樂的父親。

 

在翻譯之前，容我提醒大家，如果想要轉貼轉寄文章，請您尊重智慧財產權，將原文連結一併附上，如果轉的是英文版，請附上英文版原始連結，如果轉的是我的中文翻譯，請附上我這篇文章的連結。非常感謝大家的合作。

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挫敗一次，開心一次          作者：Karol K

這種說法可不是你每天都會聽到的吧？這也是為什麼你可能會懷疑，我到底是不是認真的？還是我只是標題殺人法、想吸引你的注意？事實上，兩者都是。

我們都清楚，失敗並不是值得高興的事，尤其失敗的當下。即便只是一些雞毛蒜皮的小事，像是你的蛋捲冰淇淋沒吃幾口就掉到地上，也會讓你不爽吧？更別提那些像是丟了工作或者結束一段長久經營的感情……之類的大事件了。

面對挫敗的第一階段一定都是傷心難過或是諸如此類的負面情緒。沒辦法，這是大腦機制來決定的。我們沒辦法控制這些與遭遇挫敗有關的初期負面情緒，因為不管我們心裡再怎麼做好準備，這些情緒肯定會爆發。

而這也正是我提出「挫敗一次、開心一次」這種策略的第一步。但也請你謹記，我並不是說這篇文章所提到的策略就是萬靈解藥。

負面情緒一開始萌發的時候，你就必須馬上承認事情發生的真相，而且不管到底是人生中哪個環節多大多小的失敗，好比說跟愛人分手、經商失敗……等等，反正你必須馬上認清事情就是發生了。

好，接下來就請你準備好來聽我要給你的建議了，因為這些建議你真的不會常聽到。

在承認事情的確發生後，你必須知道，這完-完-全-全-就-是-你自己的錯。丟工作？不是你老闆的問題。離婚了？不是你另一半的錯。你才是那個要負責的人。我自己是不太信那些「唉這不是你的錯啊！」或者「你也改變不了事實啊！」之類的安慰話，這種態度對我們來說是沒有幫助的。

扛起罪過的好處是你可以完全掌控局面，而能夠掌控局面，你也就有了無形的資產，因為你就有絕大的能力可以藉由自己的行為去改變現況。如果你覺得我在胡說八道，那換個角度想吧！如果你不是那個該被究責的人，你就無權改變現況，（中文翻譯：http://迴紋針.台灣）所以下一次同一類的事情還是會發生在你身上，這是因為你一直都覺得自己無能為力做什麼改變啊！那，現在這種由自己來扛責任的方法，是不是聽起來還滿吸引人的呢？

既然你扛起責任、掌控全局了，再來我要教你下一步。

你要體認到，接下來你會經歷各種類似跟情人分手的崩潰情緒。基本上，挫敗後感受的情緒跟分手後的情緒很類似，通常有幾個階段：驚愕、否認、不願與其他人接觸、憤怒、心情拉拉扯扯不願接受、沮喪、最後接受事實。

就我自己的經驗來說，遇到挫折後馬上扛下責任，接著掌控能夠改變事情局面，這樣的習慣讓我更快能夠度過上面這些低潮情緒。

教人如何處理挫敗的這種主題，其實對許多勵志作家來說都是家常便飯，再適合也不過了。每個人都有自己的訣竅技巧。

就我而言，我的方法非常簡單：

* 認清楚遭遇挫敗一開始的心裡感覺
* 承認事情的確發生了
* 扛下責任

最重要的是

擁抱挫敗，並將之視為一種對人生的投資。

如果你已經有了十足的掌控權，但終究還是失敗了，那至少你也學到了不要用什麼方法來處理事情。那就記下來，當做下一回類似經驗的借鏡。

大家都知道失敗為成功之母。倘若從未失敗，也就從未真正活過。

要記得，你是自己的主人，要懂得把挫敗當做成功的墊腳石，應該要高興這一次的挫敗讓你距離成功更近一步。

（中文翻譯：http://迴紋針.台灣）

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其實英文版很簡單喔！大家可以試著讀讀看。

原文連結：Every Failure Makes Me Happier | PickTheBrain   by Karol K

Here’s something you don’t hear every day, right?  Which is why you’re probably wondering if I’m for real, or just saying this to get your attention. Actually, it’s a little of both.

You know just as well as I do that failure is nothing to be happy about, especially the minute it happens. Even when it’s something seemingly unimportant like your ice cream falling to the ground, it still doesn’t make you happy.  And what about the biggies like losing your job or ending a long-term relationship.

So the first phase of every failure experience is sadness, grief or some other similarly negative emotion.  And this is just how our brain works. We can’t stop these initial feelings associated with failure. They will take place no matter what we do or how well prepared we are.

And this is actually where my strategy to being happy with failure has its first step. And please bear with me on this, I didn’t say that this post would provide a magic-pill solution.

This initial moment of emotion is where you have to acknowledge what happened. And you need to do this regardless of the area of your life in which the failure occurred. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, a failed business, sports, or anything else. You have to start by acknowledging what happened.

Now get ready because I have a piece of advice that you certainly don’t hear every day…

After acknowledging the failure, you need to understand that it IS your fault. Yes, it’s not your boss’s or your spouse’s, or anyone else’s. You are the only one to blame.  (Personally I don’t buy into the excuses of “it’s not your fault” or “you couldn’t do anything about it.”  This attitude will get you nowhere.)

Taking the blame is a good idea because it gives you control.  Control of the situation. Control is probably one of your biggest assets. It’s your ability to make things happen (to change things) by your actions.  If you don’t believe me simply look at it from the opposite point of view. If you are not to blame, and you had no control over what happened, then it can surely happen to you again because you can’t do anything about it. Does this approach sound remotely attractive to you?

So, since now you know that you’re in control, here’s the next step.

Realize that you’re probably going to go through a myriad of emotions similar to those that occur when you experience a breakup.  Essentially, the feelings we experience after a breakup are very similar to what happens with any kind of failure.  To some degree we can find ourselves in: shock, denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

From my experience, the fact that I took the blame, then regained control, enabled me to get through all of the phases much quicker.

The topic of failure in general is a very big niche for many motivational speakers and authors. People make their whole careers out of teaching others how to deal with failure. There are various techniques, tricks, and approaches.

In the end, mine is this and it’s pretty simple:

• recognize the initial feelings
• acknowledge what happened
• take the blame

And now the last and the most important step:

Embrace failure and treat it as an investment.

If you’ve failed despite being in complete control over the situation then now you simply have another lesson on how not to handle your matters.  Chalk it up to experience and use it as a reference in similar situations.

Everyone knows that failure is just another step to success, and if you’ve never failed, you’ve never lived.

You are in control, you should use this experience to help you win in the future, you should be happy that this failure has brought you one step closer to success.